Christian Approaches to Human Sexuality, Marriage, and Family
Introduction
Christian approaches refer to how Christians view and handle issues of human sexuality, marriage, and the family in accordance with Christian ethics. Through marriage, the family is formed.
Human Sexuality
a. Human Sexuality
This is a sacred gift from God, given to Adam and Eve. Human sexuality is what makes us male or female. It refers to our biological or physiological differences associated with being male or female. It is part of our biological makeup. Males and females have different body structures, features, appearances, and biological characteristics. In terms of physical strength, more men are stronger than females. Besides the biological makeup, we have an emotional side, which includes our attitudes and feelings. Females are said to be more emotional and talkative than males. Human sexuality is also in our brain and mind and is what makes us human beings. Animals also have different physiological features based on sexual differences.
b. Christian Teaching on Human Sexuality
Males and females are God’s creation. Men and women were created for many reasons: (1) to be fruitful and multiply; and (2) for companionship. In Genesis, we learn that men and women share the image of God because God intended man and woman to play complementary roles and both are equal before God.
Sex in marriage is a sign of love and is sacred. In marriage, man and woman become one flesh. Both have the ability to control their sexual desires. Christian teaching forbids sex before marriage, adultery or unfaithfulness, and other unnatural sexual behaviors like lesbianism, homosexuality, and incest. God created the human body and it is to be kept holy. Chastity is encouraged while unfaithfulness in marriage is discouraged. Husbands and wives are to respect one another and give to each other in mutual love.
c. Traditional African Understanding of Human Sexuality
Human sexuality is highly valued in traditional African communities. It is understood in terms of marriage and parenthood. Procreation was the sole purpose of sex. Sex was to be practiced in marriage and was regarded as a sacred duty.
Adultery was discouraged and offenders punished.
Irresponsible sexual relationships were forbidden. Virginity before marriage was highly valued. If a girl lost her virginity before marriage, she was treated with scorn and punishment. If a boy impregnated a girl, he was fined.
In traditional African society, it was taboo to discuss sex matters openly. Grandparents taught sex education to their grandchildren. Sex education was taught during initiation stages. Free mixing of girls and boys was not allowed except under supervision. Girls were married off immediately after initiation to avoid temptation of engaging in premarital sex. To reinforce self-discipline in relationships between the opposite sexes, African traditional society instilled the fear of supernatural curses through myths.
Husbands and wives were expected to relate to each other, their parents, and in-laws according to community customs. Conflicts between a husband and a wife were resolved through intervention of relatives.
d. Gender Roles
There are specific chores and duties for either males or females in African traditional societies. Roles were therefore according to gender. Boys went hunting and herding, while girls fetched firewood and helped in cooking. At an early age, girls and boys would mix freely as they played together. Mature boys and girls, however, were restricted from mixing freely without supervision by elders. There was gender identification: boys identified with their fathers and other male adults, while girls identified with their mothers and other female adults.
Education: Children belonged to the community and not just to their biological parents. At the adolescent stage (13–18 years), education was given to adolescents and intensified at initiation stage. Boys and girls were taught traditional rules and secrets of the society during initiation. Learning was informal. Knowledge was communicated through songs, stories, and riddles among other forms of presentations. All adults acted as parents to the young ones.
Socialization
Men were socialized to be superior, while women were socialized to accept their subordinate position and role. Everyone knew and accepted what he/she was culturally supposed to do.
Division of labor was based on sex. In African communities, despite their differences, there were many common customary roles, rules, regulations, taboos, and beliefs that governed male–female relationships from early childhood to old age. In all of them, men held superior positions compared to women.
Age
Old women and men were accorded respect. They were consulted for advice and counsel. The kinship system was emphasized.
e. Christian Teaching on Male-Female Relationships
The husband is the head of the house and should love his wife like Christ loved the church. Once a wife is loved, she should submit to her husband. Both male and female are equal and co-creators with God. Adam and Eve were created to complement each other. Likewise, men and women should love each other. Jesus taught that each man should have one wife and vice versa. Once married, the husband’s body belongs to the wife and hers belongs to him. Therefore, wife and husband should avoid immorality.
Males and females are to relate freely. But the youth are to avoid the passions of youth, which are sexual sins. There are no specific chores or duties for either male or female. Relationships between sexes should be governed by love, chastity, respect, self-control, and self-discipline. Parents are to love their children, while children are to obey and honor their parents. Parents are asked to bring up their children in a Godly way.
Christian Teaching About Human Sexuality
a. Christian Teaching on Responsible Human Sexuality
Christianity teaches responsible sexual behavior. Being responsible means exercising self-control or self-discipline in matters of sexual behavior. Self-discipline is necessary when we have a relationship with the opposite sex (Read 1 Cor. 7:9; 1 Peter 5:8). It is called responsible sexual behavior, which is obedience to God’s commands.
Christians promote healthy social relationships between boys and girls, men and women, and husbands and wives. Responsible sex is between male and female. Sexual intercourse is allowed only between married couples (1 Cor. 7:3–5). Married couples are obliged to be sexually faithful to one another (Heb. 13:4). Adultery is condemned (Exodus 20:14). The relationship between a husband and wife should be one of respect, faithfulness, love, care, mercy, submission, tolerance, and forgiveness.
b. Christian Teaching on Irresponsible Sexual Behavior
There is much irresponsible sexual behavior.
These include all acts and forms of perversion, misuse, and abuse of sex such as incest, rape, fornication, adultery, homosexuality, lesbianism, prostitution, concubinage, masturbation, bestiality, and child marriages. These behaviors are against God’s will for humanity. Christians are to shun irresponsible sexual behavior because their bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit. Whatever Christians do with their bodies should be for the glory of God.
Let us now discuss some irresponsible sexual behaviors briefly, beginning with:
(i) Incest
Incest is a sexual relationship between people closely related by blood, for example, sex between a brother and sister or father and daughter. Incest is condemned in the Bible. It was punishable by death in the Old Testament (Leviticus 18:6–8).
(ii) Rape
Rape cannot be justified and is condemned in the Bible. It is forcing another person to have sexual intercourse without consent. It is sexual violence and a crime against humanity. It violates the human rights of victims who are sexually assaulted.
Victims include boys, men, girls, women, and babies, especially girls.
Rape is an expression of hatred toward the opposite sex. In traditional African society, rape was abhorred and culprits were punished by death. In Kenya, rape is punishable by 20 years imprisonment.
Indecent assaults or sexual abuses such as touching a person of the opposite sex without permission or using vulgar language are punishable by up to 5 years imprisonment.
(iii) Fornication
This is consensual sexual intercourse between unmarried people. It is condemned by both African and Christian teachings. Punishments in African traditional society included fines, stoning, and ritual cleansing. In the Old Testament, men were forced to marry the girl.
Jesus said fornication was due to people’s evil thoughts. Abstinence for the youth is encouraged and preached.
Reasons youth engage in premarital sex include sexual curiosity, proving manhood, human weakness, lack of self-control, testing fertility, fear of rejection, commercial sex for money, copying acts in media, frustrations, drug abuse, bribes, and permissiveness in society.
(iv) Adultery
Adultery is committed by adults who have extramarital affairs; it is sex outside marriage with a person to whom one is not married.
Causes include lack of self-control, sexual dissatisfaction, long separations, sexual dysfunction, and vengeance by a previously faithful spouse.
(v) Prostitution
This is the practice of giving sexual pleasure for money or other material benefits. Prostitutes can be male or female and are referred to as commercial sex workers.
Factors leading to prostitution include unemployment, poverty, rejection at home, drug abuse, stress, anger, anxiety, family frustrations, and pornography. The church condemns prostitution because it defiles the body, which is a temple of the Holy Spirit. It is sexual immorality (Galatians 5:19–21).
vi. Homosexuality/Gay/Lesbianism
This is sex between people of the same sex, for example, man and man (homosexuality), woman and woman (lesbianism). Homosexuality is common in the modern world and is also a church problem. The Anglican Church in the USA and Canada has accepted homosexuality and has gay bishops. African Anglican churches oppose this practice.
Christian view is that homosexuality is a sign of a lack of Christian moral values. It may also be due to confinement in prison and permissiveness in society. If allowed to continue, it will disintegrate traditional African values. The Church condemns homosexuality because (1) God created male and female (Genesis 1:28); (2) Sex is sacred; homosexuality is unnatural and lowers human dignity; it does not provide sexual fulfillment as traditionally understood.
Homosexuality is illegal in Kenya.
vii. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
Many diseases are passed from one person to another through sex, including gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes genitalis, hepatitis B, chlamydia, trichomoniasis, and HIV/AIDS. Let’s discuss some of them.
HIV/AIDS: Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) causes acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS). HIV is transmitted largely through sex with an infected partner; blood transfusion; sharing sharp objects; and from an infected mother to the unborn child. HIV destroys white blood cells and weakens the immune system, making the body vulnerable to opportunistic infections.
Symptoms of AIDS include persistent cough, weight loss, oral thrush, loss of appetite, and diarrhea.
Churches encourage compassion for HIV/AIDS affected people and support for infected individuals like orphans, widows, and widowers. They also teach against sexual immorality and discrimination.
Gonorrhea is caused by the bacterium Neisseria gonorrhoeae. Symptoms appear 4 days after infection and include burning sensation when urinating, genital pain or discomfort, and sticky discharge. Gonorrhea is curable if treated early.
Syphilis
Primary syphilis may show as a sore or wound in the genitals a few days after infection, which heals without treatment. Symptoms may reappear after about 7 years and include painless sores, swollen glands, skin rashes, and sores on the face, armpits, under breasts, mouth, or throat.
Herpes Genitalis is a viral sexual disease causing genital wounds. A pregnant woman can transmit it to her newborn during delivery. It can be controlled but has no effective cure.
Hepatitis B virus causes hepatitis B, transmitted through sex, unsterilized needles, and contaminated blood. Symptoms include jaundice and upper abdominal pain.
c. The Effects of Irresponsible Sexual Behavior
Effects include HIV/AIDS, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), abortion, family separations and divorces, deaths, unplanned pregnancies, children living on the streets, school dropouts, and psychological problems.
i. Effects of Incest
Incest undermines healthy family relationships, brings shame and guilt, destroys family unity, damages self-esteem and dignity, causes problems in future relationships, can lead to pregnancy, abortion, STIs, and HIV/AIDS. For example, a father was jailed for life for raping his daughter and infecting her with HIV/AIDS.
ii. Effects of Rape
Rape has serious physical, psychological, social, and spiritual consequences. Victims may suffer injuries, contract STIs and HIV/AIDS, experience trauma, guilt, loneliness, humiliation, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Young victims may lose trust in the opposite sex. These sufferings can lead to suicide and death.
iii. Effects of Fornication
Effects include children out of wedlock, feelings of distrust, guilt, hurt, contracting STIs and HIV/AIDS, loss of self-respect, early and forced marriage, and abortion.
iv. Effects of Adultery
Adultery can lead to divorce, abortion, STIs, HIV/AIDS, domestic violence, murder, and psychological problems.
v. Effects of Prostitution
Prostitution can cause breakup of marriage and family, lowers dignity, leads to unplanned pregnancies, school dropouts, STIs, HIV/AIDS, and misuse of family resources.
vi. Effects of Homosexuality
It threatens procreation, promotes loose short-term relationships, and increases risk of HIV/AIDS due to multiple partners, although this is changing in some countries where homosexual couples marry in churches.
vii. Effects of Sexually Transmitted Diseases
HIV/AIDS causes recurrent illness, stigmatization, guilt, anger, denial, depression, financial burdens, and death. Parents may die leaving orphans.
Gonorrhea damages women’s fallopian tubes causing infertility and men’s epididymis causing sterility. It can infect newborns causing blindness and affect joints, heart, and liver.
Syphilis damages the heart, brain, and nervous system, can cause madness and death. Infection during pregnancy can cause brain damage, physical deformities, or stillbirths.
Effects of Herpes Genitalis: Infection can cause brain damage, cervical cancer, and death of the baby if the mother is pregnant. Wounds expose the person to HIV/AIDS.
Effects of Hepatitis B: Damages the liver and may lead to death. There is a vaccine but no treatment.
viii. Other Consequences of Irresponsible Sexual Behaviors
These include death, unplanned pregnancies, children living on the streets, school dropouts, and psychological problems such as stress, depression, self-pity, withdrawal, aggressiveness, and violence.
Stress is the body’s response to pressure or demands. Signs include anxiety, worry, poor performance, chest pains, mood swings, rebellion, ulcers, heart palpitations, fatigue, and guilt.
Solutions
To avoid stress, individuals should accept they are stressed, identify sources of stress, rest, exercise, listen to therapeutic music, and talk to a counselor.
Depression
Depression is an acute mental disorder characterized by hopelessness and low spirits. It can be mild or severe with physical, emotional, and behavioral signs. Only a medical doctor can diagnose depression. Signs include persistent headaches, chest pains, loss or increase of appetite, memory loss, insomnia, weight changes, nervousness, mood swings, low self-confidence, suicidal tendencies, loss of libido, poor performance, hypertension, and high blood pressure.
d. Irresponsible Social and Human Behavior
Unacceptable behaviors contrary to Christian life include abortion and divorce.
Abortion is termination of pregnancy before the fetus can live independently. There are spontaneous (miscarriage) and induced abortions. Induced abortion is deliberate and illegal in Kenya, though debated. Reasons for abortion include pregnancy due to rape or incest, economic hardship, schooling, or medical necessity to save the mother’s life.
Christians view abortion as murder (Exodus 20:13) because it destroys the baby and interferes with the mother’s body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. God alone has the right to give and take life. Abortion carries stigma and is condemned by Christians.
e. Effects of Irresponsible Social and Human Behavior
Effects of abortion include infertility, ectopic pregnancy, damage to reproductive organs, fetal malformation, risk of maternal death, stillbirths, miscarriages, psychological problems such as stress and depression.
Revision Questions
- Explain the traditional African understanding of human sexuality.
- Explain Christian attitudes towards human sexuality.
- In what ways is sex abused in Kenya?
- Why do you think minors are defiled or sexually abused in Kenya?
- Explain the Christian teaching on male/female relationships.
- What is the Christian teaching on responsible sexual behavior?
- List the different types of irresponsible sexual behavior.
- Explain the Christian teaching on irresponsible sexual behavior.
- State the effects of irresponsible sexual behavior.
Marriage
a. Definition of Marriage
Marriage is a binding legal union between a man and a woman who agree to have a lasting relationship as husband and wife. Marriage partners choose each other. In some cases, senior family members and church influence the choice. When partners agree to marry, they are joined in church and become husband and wife. Marriage is a covenant in which partners give themselves to one another.
Marriage involves the community; hence it is a social affair. It is permanent and a rite of passage. Marriage gives a person high social status and prestige.
Marriage is a covenant that should not be broken. Couples marry to procreate and perpetuate the community. Marriage allows sexual relationship and companionship. It expresses and fulfills mutual love and comfort, enhancing unity, social prestige, and respect. The purposes of marriage include sexual fulfillment, cultural and social requirements, obligation to build a family, and procreation, although children are a gift from God.
Forms of Marriages
There are many forms of marriage ceremonies, either civil or religious. Main religious ceremonies include Christian, Islamic, Hindu, and Sikh. African customary ceremonies are often polygamous. Christianity does not allow polygamous marriage.
Secular Approaches to Marriage
Some people choose not to marry for personal reasons. Some have children without marrying; others marry without children. Husband and wife are equal. Monogamy is practiced for economic reasons. In some families, women are heads. Choosing a partner is individual, not communal. Traditional qualities of a good wife such as industriousness, honesty, and hospitality are less considered. Modern society values external beauty, financial and social status. This leads to high rates of separation and divorce. Some young people live in “Come-we-stay” arrangements without formal marriage.
Gender issues: The wife is subordinate but has rights. Widow inheritance or Levirate marriage involved the wife being inherited by a husband’s brother. The wife could refuse but remained married. Dowry was paid to parents. If a wife died, the man could marry her sister (surrogate marriage).
Those who did not marry were considered “lesser humans.” Young people were prepared for marriage during initiation, witnessed publicly. Couples made vows and invoked ancestors’ blessings.
Factors That Lead to a Stable, Healthy, and Successful Marriage
People understand roles differently. Suggestions include:
- Mutual responsibility and consultation in decision-making
- Forgiveness
- Good treatment and equal respect
- Sharing scriptures together
- Giving love and respecting each other
- Faithful sexual relationship
- Being open and honest
- African traditional qualities of a good wife: hardworking, fertile, morally upright, generous, kind, obedient, humble, clean, beautiful, polite, warm-hearted, hospitable
- Qualities of a good husband: good leadership, aggressive, wise, brave, courageous, responsible, good property manager
b. Christian Teaching about Marriage
Marriage is sacred and a divine institution ordained by God, starting with Adam and Eve. Marriage should be monogamous and permanent. The woman should submit to the husband, who should love her as Christ loved the church. The Church teaches mutual respect.
Marriage is complete even without children. It is between a male and a female. Marriage is not obligatory and ends when one partner dies.
Christian Preparation and Approach to Marriage
Christians organize youth seminars and rallies to teach how to choose partners, treat spouses, care for children, behave towards in-laws, acquire wealth (men), and head a family. Youth are taught to avoid premarital sex. Premarital counseling is encouraged, emphasizing love as the bond of unity. The Church encourages HIV/AIDS testing before marriage. Marriage ceremonies are conducted in church.
Choice of a Marriage Partner
Partners may be chosen by parents, individually, or through intermediaries. In African traditional polygamous marriages, the first wife identified additional wives. Girls could be given as gifts to chiefs.
c. Courtship in African Traditional Society (ATS)
Courtship varies by community and is the period between engagement and wedding. Premarital sex is forbidden. Girls and boys wore bracelets and rings. Courtship allowed the couple to know each other better and receive family life education. It linked the two families and allowed checking of clan relations. Dowry or bride wealth negotiations occurred during courtship.
Dowry is paid by the man’s family to the woman’s family and may include livestock, beer, grain, jewelry, and clothes. Some churches disregard dowry, others encourage it.
Importance of Dowry
Dowry compensates for the girl’s labor and seals the marriage covenant. It publicly expresses appreciation for the new wife/mother, promotes friendship, cements family relationships, shows the husband’s commitment, and helps maintain peace. Bride price payment is accompanied by marriage ceremonies.
Traditional African approaches allow polygamy if the first wife is barren, to ensure all women have husbands, prevent infertility, and provide extra labor. Polygamous men have higher status as many wives symbolize wealth.
Children are important as they promote social status, unity, provide labor and wealth, and are heirs to family wealth. They provide family security.
Divorce is the legal dissolution of marriage. Christians allow divorce on specific grounds. Divorce was rare in African traditional societies and granted for adultery, witchcraft, laziness, cruelty, and disrespect.
In contemporary society, divorce is allowed for unfaithfulness, domestic violence, misuse of resources, childlessness, in-law interference, and alcohol abuse.
Legal Reasons for Divorce
Kenyan law allows divorce for adultery, desertion for more than 3 years, insanity, and domestic violence (physical and psychological torture).
Christian Teaching about Divorce
Christians discourage divorce because marriage is permanent. Some denominations allow divorce for adultery. God hates divorce. Married couples should remain faithful.
Divorce causes strained relationships, psychological suffering for children, social stigma, rejection, isolation, and economic hardships for single-parent families.
e. Celibacy as an Alternative to Marriage
Celibacy (Latin “Coelebes” meaning bachelor) is chosen for various reasons: pursuing education, career demands, discouragement by failed marriages, economic independence, poor health, HIV/AIDS, mental illness, parental interference, and disappointment from past relationships.
Revision Questions
- Explain the traditional African understanding of marriage.
- What is the importance of children in traditional African society?
- What is the Christian teaching about marriage?
- What is the importance of the courtship period in traditional African societies?
- Why are many people opting for celibacy?
The Family
Introduction
As society grows and changes, the family grows and changes. There are several types and practices of the family. This lesson discusses the traditional family as practiced in the Bible, traditional African societies, and some Christian families.
The Family
A family is the basic social unit of human society. It extends to include relatives bound by blood, marriage, friendship, and adoption. In Kenya, there are many types of families.
a. Types of Families
i. Nuclear Family consists of parents and their children. It is increasing due to urbanization as rural youth move to towns for white-collar jobs. Migration by different tribes has led to pluralism. Education and high living costs have led to decline of African culture, which valued polygamy to produce many children to defend tribes.
Advantages include undivided attention from the man to one wife and children, mutual love and peace, economical management, less competition and stress, and easier monitoring of children.
ii. Polygamous Family includes father, mothers, and children. Disadvantages in modern Kenya include inability to provide basic needs due to cash economy.
iii. Single Parent Family consists of one parent and children. Created by separation, divorce, refusal to marry, death of a spouse, unwed motherhood, or imprisonment of a partner.
iv. Extended Family includes father, mother, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins. Common in traditional African communities.
v. Children-led Family occurs when parents die and the firstborn cares for siblings and cousins.
vi. Grandparent-headed Family arises due to HIV/AIDS epidemic, where grandparents care for grandchildren after parents’ death or absence.
b. Traditional African Family Values and Practices
Family is created through marriage and procreation and is sacred. It includes ancestors, unborn children, and the living.
Obligations and duties:
- Offering sacrifices to ancestors
- Pouring libations
- Giving the dead decent burials
- Providing basic needs to children
- Bringing up children to be morally upright
The family is responsible for upbringing, caring, and protection of children, providing necessities, and participating in communal activities. Work is divided by age, gender, and social status.
Values include:
- Respect for family members
- Responsible parenthood to raise self-reliant individuals
- Education in all aspects of life, intellectual and cognitive development
Children were taught physical skills and given nutritious food to develop strength. They learned social skills and behavior towards adults and peers. Teaching started early through observation and practice, with parents as role models. Children were taught tolerance and how to relate as siblings. These values show African parents understood their roles and responsibilities.
Sometimes values were exploited, leading to dependency, conflicts, competition, hatred, and jealousy.
Christian parents are expected to train children to know God, be self-disciplined, and follow Christian living, as well as provide basic needs.
Christian Understanding of the Family
The family is sacred and instituted by God. Christian children are expected to obey, honor, and respect parents, as commanded in the Ten Commandments.
Parenting Styles
- Dictatorship/authoritative/autocratic – parent is final authority and imposes decisions
- Permissive or liberal (“Laissez-faire”) – children do as they want
- Democratic – parents discuss family issues with children; considered the best style
Problems Related to Family Life Today
- Child abuse – sexual assault, beating
- Domestic violence – abusive language, frequent fights, emotional abuse
- Diseases – HIV/AIDS, epilepsy, autism
- Children with special needs – blindness, deafness, mental challenges, motor coordination (Autism)
- Separation, divorce
- Childlessness
- Single parent families – economic hardships
- Misuse of family resources, economic crisis
- Affluence – excessive wealth
- Unemployment, underemployment
- Retrenchment – workforce reduction
- Mismanagement of family finances
- Alcohol and drug abuse
- Generation gap
- Poor relations with in-laws
- Cultural and religious differences
Traditional African Approaches to Problems Related to Family Life Today
- Preparation for family life challenges from childhood
- Family life education during adolescence and initiation
- Marriage viewed as lifelong union
- Clear rules governing marriage relations
- Polygamy helped reduce unfaithfulness
- No single parent families; members lived together reducing loneliness
- Widows/widowers encouraged to remarry
- Traditional brew consumed in moderation
Christian Approaches to Problems Related to Family Life Today
- Live according to Christian principles: mutual respect, self-discipline, understanding, honesty, faithfulness, love, and forgiveness
- Premarital counseling
- Church seminars and conferences on family life; teaching love, respect, and complementary partnership; wife submission to husband as head
- Women encouraged to participate in church organizations learning roles of wife, mother, and woman
- Church advice on family management and investments
- Breadwinner encouraged to write a will
- Church guidance and counseling to improve parent–child relationships
- Parents advised to be positive role models
- Encourage open communication with children
- Legal action advised in serious conflicts like child abuse and domestic violence
- Youth seminars on drug abuse, premarital sex, peer pressure, media influence
- Information dissemination through books, pamphlets, media
- Support for unwed mothers
- Health services and HIV/AIDS guidance
- Care for widows, orphans, widowers, and the needy
Revision Questions
- State the different types of families.
